Thursday, February 23, 2017

Trust. Your. Gut.

Hindsight is 20/20. Don't you sometimes wish you could rewind life and get a do-over?

The older I get, the more I can absolutely rely on my gut. That extra-sharp sense about things, even if reason or the politeness of giving someone the benefit of the doubt are pulling you away from that sense. I mean, we haven't lived this long and collected all this wisdom and insight for nothing, right? This past weekend, how I wish I'd listened to the gut.

Someone from my past who meant a lot to me a couple of decades ago resurfaced out of the blue. When we parted ways way back when, it was amicable and good. We let stuff go. We moved on. But a surprise email said otherwise. There was still some unresolved stuff on his end--and he wanted to clear it up because he might not have much longer to live.

Holy crap. How devastating. I felt for him. Especially because he'd cheated death so many times in the past.

What my wise Higher-self, sense, and gut were all telling me was....absolutely DO NOT revisit old stuff. Tell him we both did our best. Tell him I am heavily immersed in the practice of staying in the Now (not past or future), and let's just remember and be proud of the good times.

But part of me thought I should honor his need to "clear up his issues" while he can, and so I answered (honestly) what he asked about our past. Big mistake. Some behaviors never change or mellow with age as I'd hoped. The reply felt like it came from 20 years ago.

So....I'm giving myself a do-over. Because this is what I really wanted to do.

Hello, old friend
Let's not revisit painful things--especially not while you're sick and trying to feel good. I only want you to feel good about yourself from here on out. I hope you have many days ahead of utter joy and contentment. I hope you seek out the most beautiful places in nature to rejuvenate your body and soul. I hope you spend lots of time with your loved ones (especially your daughter) while you can, and leave them with warm memories of you. I hope you totally let go of all regret and suffering over any part of your life. I hope you check things off your bucket list left and right, and do everything you want to do before you're not able. I hope grace settles over you in a waterfall of white light, giving you the strength to endure the end-time. Most of all, I hope you find deep and lasting peace.

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