(Written January, 2005)
This past weekend, I accompanied one of my dearest friends to Athens,Georgia for a workshop given by my favorite “user-friendly Zen” author, Cheri Huber. Athens was such a cool college town, and I was ever-mindful that it was the home of REM and other great rock artists. In fact, our motel was on the Atlanta Highway. Once I made the connection, “Love Shack” got stuck in my head for hours!
The workshop was “Radical Self-Acceptance,” where I continued to learn more about what Zen types call “egocentric karmic conditioning,” or – those voices that show up in your head, that are always trying to get you to believe that things are not okay as they are (and that something is ALWAYS wrong about you or your life), and that encourage you not to trust yourself. They come in many disguises, hunt you down like a dog (the Buddha called them “hungry ghosts”), and tell you convincing stories. They’re a big fan of making you suffer. (If you’d like more explanation here, pick up any book by Cheri at your local bookstore or online. I highly recommend them.)
Cheri herself was not at all what I expected. She was more like a stand-up comic in her delivery, saying outrageous and hilarious things and mocking the “ego thoughts” that we all experience, as she conferred with the group. At the same time, she was very in tune with everyone, and stayed right with them as they spoke and asked questions. She lovingly challenged some of their conditioned beliefs, helping them arrive at clarity about troubling issues, and almost always left them with a self-empowered smile when they were done. Or even a sheepish giggle.
Two stories she told stayed with me, both of which applied to my life right now. The first was about a powerful ability to let things go: A person went to her class reunion, talked with hundreds of fellow alumni, dined, drank, danced and had a fantastic evening. When she got home and looked in the bathroom mirror, she saw a big hunk of green spinach stuck to her tooth. Instead of being horrified and beating herself up about what an idiot she must’ve looked like the entire evening, she removed the spinach from her tooth, flicked it away, and said to herself, “It never happened.” (Think about how long we hold onto stuff, replaying the event and lamenting it, when it does absolutely nothing constructive for us.)
The other was so identical to my life that it about knocked me over. “A girl decides she needs to move to Indianapolis. Her family questions her and thinks she’s crazy. Instead of firmly arguing, “That’s what I’m going to do, because it’s the right thing and exactly where I should be going and I know it!”, she simply shrugs and says, “It’s just what I feel I need to do. I may be wrong, I don’t know. But it’s just where I’m being moved to go right now.”
As I plan my relocation from Ohio to California, this feels very affirming. Most everyone (that I’ve told) has been supportive. Some may indeed not understand, and perhaps I might not know, one hundred percent, if it’s the right thing. But it’s what I feel I need to do right now.
Zen stuff rules.
Peace & love, y’all!
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